Personal Safety and Self Defense for children, teens and adults

Sex Offenders and Child Abuse

Stranger safety, boundary setting skills help keep kids safe

Sex offenders known to be living close to home can make safety concerns stronger.  Many parents are frightened when they discover that registered sex offenders live in their community or their neighborhood, and they want to know how they can keep their children safe.

It is normal to feel frightened learning that someone who is known to be dangerous is living near you. At the same time, your job is to protect and empower your children without terrifying them.

Worries about what others might do to children can lead adults to try irrational solutions that serve the sole purpose of helping them feel safer, but these attempts can make the situation more difficult. Telling children, "Never walk on that side of the street!" or, "Never sit on anyone's lap!" can cause them confusion and anxiety.

Simply telling children what you want them to do in any situation in your neighborhood – and giving them the chance to practice – is far more effective. Make sure that people who are supervising your younger children stay with them at all times.

Tell children who are old enough to go out on their own, "Our safety rule is that you will check with me first before you change your plan about whom you are with, where you go, and what you are doing. Do not go into someone's house or yard until I agree that it is okay. I also want you to check with me first about when it is okay to open our door to someone."

Role-play so children can practice walking away and checking first in a variety of situations. Include the opportunity to practice walking away from a nice person trying to talk them into coming close to look at something interesting "for just a minute".

While feeling upset about what someone has done is normal, demonizing this individual will serve no purpose and will not help your children be safer. It is important to be realistic. Legally, this man has served his time and can live anywhere he wants. The truth is that most of the people who harm children are not registered on lists. As one of the locally registered sex offenders, this man is likely to be the first person suspected by authorities if a crime is committed.

At the same time, people who have harmed others sometimes repeat their behavior. This means that you want to make sure that your children are never alone with this person, do not go to his house or into his yard, and do not let him into your home.

If children living in the house where this man is staying are friends with yours, having them come over is fine, but you want to be aware of the possibility that they might have been abused. Children who have been abused who have not had help are most likely to harm themselves, but they might do something abusive to others.

The best way for your children to protect themselves from abuse is to be able to set boundaries and to get help if they need it. Supervise your children's play with all children, including these, until you are sure that they have these skills.

Both you and your children need to be able to say "No" to invitations that would break your safety rules without letting embarrassment or guilt stop you from setting clear boundaries.

Sex offenders may live in your community, but you and your children still have the power to learn skills that can help keep them safe most of the time.  Positive, practical personal safety workshops for adults and children, such as those offered by KIDPOWER, can be very helpful in reducing worry and increasing competence.