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LIBRARY OF ARTICLESAll material on this website are © Copyright. Prior written permission is required to reproduce or copy these articles in any printed or digital form. Please contact our office for more information at safety@kidpower.org Personal Safety and Self Defense for children, teens and adultsArticle. Summer safety for children.Stranger safety, boundary-setting skills help kids stay safe this summer and all year longBy Erika Leonard, Assistant Director of Community Education“Stranger danger” worries or other concerns about children’s safety should not have to take away from the joy of summertime activities. At the same time, summer often brings changes in everyday habits or activities that can pose new safety challenges. Vacations, camp, overnights, outings to amusement parks, or increased "home alone" time can be wonderful experiences, and they can all be more enjoyable when children have basic safety skills – skills they can build on all year long. You can take a few simple steps to increase both the safety and the quality of your child's interactions with other people, both strangers and people they know. Choosing to focus on ‘stranger safety’ instead of ‘stranger danger’ can be an excellent first step! Remember that the day-to-day support and reinforcement children get from you, their parents and care givers, can help self protection and boundary-setting skills and beliefs take root in ways that can impact them for the rest of their lives. SAFETY AT HOMEFor some families, summer means more relaxed time together. This offers an excellent opportunity to build children's boundary setting skills and review family safety rules about what is and is not okay to do when you are at home. Good awareness and the ability to express a clear boundary can stop most problems before they start. You can: Model Effective Boundary SettingIf the children in your life are doing something that crosses your boundaries – perhaps by climbing or jumping on you, perhaps by using words that you find offensive – tell them clearly and respectfully, as soon as you can. If others, including your children, do not respect your boundaries after you have expressed them, show the value you place on personal boundaries by respecting your own and taking steps to protect them – such as, by getting space for yourself. Use Sibling Bickering as a Learning OpportunityWhen one child is feeling upset about a sibling's behavior, try coaching the child who is feeling bothered into expressing a boundary – "Let your sister know you have a boundary here. Tell her, 'I don't like it when you sing my name over and over. PLEASE STOP.'" Some boundaries have to be negotiated. You might decide that it's okay to sing whatever you want when you are alone, but not in front of the person being bothered. Deal with the crossing of appropriate personal boundaries with the same firm clarity you would apply to hitting, kicking, or spitting. Set Clear Boundaries about Physical AggressionIf your children tend to be physically aggressive in ways where they get hurt or upset, stop the behavior and ask calmly, "When is the only time it's ever OK to hit or kick or hurt another person?" Answer: "If you feel like you have no other way to get out of a dangerous situation and if you get yourself to safety right away." Then ask, "Is that what's happening now? Is this hitting about safety, or is this about anger?" You can then guide children toward more appropriate and effective ways of managing their conflicts. Review Safety Rules for Answering the Door or PhoneThis is a good time to revise rules based on your children's development of skills and possible changes in your living situation. “Stranger danger” stories have the potential to build fear without increasing skill, but practicing safer choices can build confidence and skill as well as reduce fear. For example, we recommend that young children check with the adult in charge first before they answer the phone or open the door, even when a parent is home. Is your child now old enough to make some choices without checking first? For younger children, role-play what you want them do to if the phone or doorbell rings. For older children, have them tell you what they think your rules are and make sure that everyone in your family agrees on the plan. Update Safety Rules about GoingOur recommended rule is that young people do not change the plan about where they are going, whom they are going to be with, or when they will be home without checking with their parent or other adult in charge first. Your comfort about where your children can go and with whom will change based on their ages, abilities and living situation. It is important for everyone to be clear about what the expectations are. Review and Practice Emergency PlansWhat if there is an earthquake? What if someone gets hurt? What if there is a fire? Practice safety strategies. SAFETY IN SUMMER PROGRAMSFor many young people, summer break is a time to participate in fun activities with different people. Those activities and people often offer new interests, new friends – and new challenges! You can: Use and Enjoy the Word "Stranger"; Avoid the Phrase “Stranger Danger”A stranger simply is someone you don't know. In KIDPOWER, we like to say that most people are good and that this means that most strangers are good. Unfortunately many adults use the word "stranger" in a way that implies danger or fear and perhaps associates a specific group, such as tall, muscular men, with that fear and danger, creating a sense of ‘stranger danger’. This ‘stranger danger belief’ can get in the way of developing safe habits. Remember that all future friends, teachers, and mentors yet to enrich your child's life are, at this point, strangers! Remember that in an emergency, children may sometimes need to get help from strangers. Try to replace ‘stranger danger’ beliefs and worries with stranger safety habits. With younger children, be very clear and upbeat when you are going to a new place: "There will be lots of strangers there, adults and kids -- and some of them will probably become good friends! I hope you enjoy getting to know them." You can agree that it is okay talk to anyone they meet at their camp or class but not to go someplace new with them without making sure that you know. In this way, you are practicing making the safety plan together. Set up clear safety plans for pick-ups, drop-offs, and getting helpReview your clear -- and, we recommend, VERY SHORT -- list of people the child can go with at pick-up time without checking first. Ask children to show you how they will follow your family's rules about checking first. Make sure that they have or know where to find all important phone numbers. ListenCreate spaces for your children to share their thoughts without pressure or fear of judgment. "The first time I went to sleep away camp, I was really excited AND really scared. Do you ever feel that way?" or, "Is there anything you've been wondering or worrying about which you haven’t told me?" Acknowledge DifferencesMeeting diverse new people can mean meeting people who are louder or quieter; who stand very close in conversation, or farther away than you are accustomed; who initiate play more subtly or in a ways that seem overbearing; or who use words and vocabulary differently than you do. When young people are expanding their circles, hearing this reality acknowledged as normal can ease anxiety and open the door to conversation about experiences and challenges. Shifting the focus away from ‘stranger danger’ and over to ‘stranger safety’ can also help reduce anxiety and build confidence. Discussions can lead to ideas for how to deal with those challenges. Mingled with all these new and normal ways of being might be someone whose behavior is truly problematic, and your conversations might help uncover any potentially dangerous situation so that you can take positive action together. SAFETY IN THE COMMUNITYLess time in school can mean more time in the community -- visiting friends, going shopping, going to movies and shows, going to the library, and visiting parks and pools. You can: Grant freedoms based on demonstrated skillsBefore granting your children more freedom to move through the community with greater independence, expect them to demonstrate the skills needed to manage that independence. Focusing on ‘stranger danger’ and scary stories can build fear and anxiety, making it harder to learn the skills. Instead, focus on safety habits that can help people prevent, avoid, or de-escalate most problems. For example, a child wanting to use public transit independently will need to demonstrate a willingness to get space between himself and a person making him feel uncomfortable; the ability to ask for help and persist, politely but firmly, until help is granted; and the willingness to get off the bus, take a different bus, or call for a ride if those are the safest choices. Make and Practice Safety PlansWe want young people to have a picture in their minds of where safety is so that if they have a problem, they are moving toward safety, not just away from possible danger. It is normal for people to think of a familiar place or person as "safety." However, in an emergency, we want our children to get help as quickly and as safely as they can. Role play ways of getting help in emergencies where they cannot check first. Give Permission to Use Self Defense Skills AppropriatelyAny strong resistance will stop most assaults. However, young people often won't protect themselves because they don't want to get in trouble. Have a frank discussion about when it is okay to hurt somebody to stop that person from hurting you. SAFETY ON TRIPSTravel is a time when we are dealing with many changes, and children need to know what to do if there is a problem. We can point out to children that every time we get onto an airplane, we have to listen to a review of their safety rules and that it is important to do the same as a family. You can: Make a Safety Plan for How to Get Help Everywhere Your Children GoWhat will each of person do if you get separated? What if someone bothers you? Agree on the Safety Rules about Different Kinds of TransportationThe rules on an airplane will be different than on a boat will be different at a rest stop on a long car trip. Discussions about safety with people can be combined with discussions about other concerns, such as where it is safe to go and where not. Again, when talking about safety with strangers, we recommend that you focus on practicing safe choices rather than on talking about ‘stranger danger.” BUILDING IMPORTANT BELIEFS“Stranger danger” worries keep our attention on the bad things that sometimes happen. By shifting our attention to the power we or our children have to make choices, we can build a sense of competence. Our belief in ourselves as powerful, competent, valuable people is the most important self-protection tool we have. We can help our children create experiences and develop attitudes to build their positive beliefs and get rid of negative ones. With some planning, support, and practice, we can help make summer experiences not just safer for our children, but also more enriching and rewarding.
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