Put Safety First
Our ‘Put Safety FIRST’ Founding Principle is that: “Safety and wellbeing are more important than anyone’s embarrassment, inconvenience, or offense – theirs, ours, or any other person’s.”
This means we will commit to not letting uncomfortable feelings get in the way of our taking action to stop, avoid, or redirect unsafe disrespectful behavior that is likely to escalate.
As leaders, we will be most effective if we intervene in powerful, respectful ways that create connection and provide support while protecting everyone’s emotional and physical safety.
Split Your Attention to Avoid Tunnel Vision
Becoming so focused on something you are doing that you don’t see what else is happening around you is called “tunnel vision.” Tunnel vision can be caused by texting, talking with someone, getting lost in thought, or other activities.
Remember that an escalation, an accident, or another safety problem can happen in an instant. Interrupt what you are doing frequently so you can look around. Notice where each of the people you are responsible for supporting is and what they are doing.
To practice Splitting Your Attention, look down and cup your hands around your face. This is what happens when you have tunnel vision and you are not aware of what is happening around you. Now, sit or stand tall, lift your head up, and look around. Look down again without cupping your hands so that you can see what you are doing.
Now, lift your head again to see what is happening around you. When you are leading people who might get overwhelmed with their feelings and escalate into conflict, you will be more successful if you can intervene sooner rather than later.
Passive, Aggressive, Assertive Practice
HOW you intervene matters. People will listen to you better and bother you less if you act aware, calm, respectful, and confident, no matter how you feel inside. The practice below is from our article Assertive Advocacy Communication Skills.
Make a Stop Signal with your body by putting your hands in front of your chest, palms facing outwards, with your elbows bent. Now, lean back, get a worried look on your face and say in a little voice, “Stop, okay?” This is what being passive looks and feels like.
Now, lean forward. Get a mean look on your face. Jab your finger like you are pointing at someone who is acting aggressively, and yell in an angry voice, “STOP!” Acting aggressively can FEEL more powerful and is much more likely to escalate a conflict.
Finally, sit tall, relax your shoulders, make a Stop Signal with your hands again, and say in a calm confident respectful voice, “Please stop!” Being prepared to act assertively instead of passively or aggressively will help everyone to be more successful in setting boundaries, being included, making positive connections, and getting help.
Don’t take someone’s rude or thoughtless behavior personally
Most people do things for reasons that are important to them, rather than because they want to make your life miserable. Instead of reacting, we can choose to protect our feelings. Our triggers are thoughts, words, gestures, or other stimuli that cause our minds and bodies to explode with feelings, either positive or negative – and sometimes both. When we are exploding with big feelings, it is hard to think clearly or to make wise choices for ourselves.
Our article 12 Safetypowers Emotional Safety Skills for All Ages provides tools for protecting our feelings from hurtful or unkind words and behavior.
How to practice different ways of facing aggression
When facing someone acting aggressively, it is normal to get emotionally triggered. We might feel like freezing, getting upset or scared, or yelling at the person. The following partner practice can help us feel the impact of our different ways of responding. No one touches each other or threatens to hit anyone in this practice. Here are the steps:
Partner A walks towards Partner B pointing, waving arms, and yelling in an angry way, “BLAH! BLAH! BLAH! Partner B turns away, shrinks down, and shuffles away saying in a whiny voice, “Please leave me alone.”
When Partner A does this same thing again, Partner B turns around and points and yells back aggressively, “BLAH! BLAH! BLAH!” Without touching, they get stuck in yelling and BLAH BLAHING at each other. (You might ask the group, “Does this sound familiar?”)
Again, Partner A approaches aggressively. This time, Partner B leaves with awareness, calm, respect, and confidence. Partner A stops.
Once last time Partner A comes towards Partner B yelling, “BLAH! BLAH! BLAH!” This time, Partner B gets calm and centered, projecting kindness, warmth, and connection towards Partner A.
Then Partner A and B switch roles. After everyone has done both roles, discuss, “When you were acting aggressively, how did each reaction from your partner make you feel? How did each way of responding feel when you were Partner B dealing with someone who was yelling, angry, and upset?
Intervention Role Play Practices
Rehearsing what we want to say and do and how we want to do it helps prepare us to be our best selves in de-escalating a conflict with or between one or more people who we are responsible for supporting.
The steps in an intervention might include:
1. Noticing and assessing the problem. For example:
• two people upset with each other
• one person having a really hard time
• someone who seems very angry with you or about something else
2. Approaching the individual or people with a caring connection, calm, and confidence, by saying something like, “Hi, how are things going?”
3. Deciding on what you think will be the best approach. For example:
• acknowledging the issue
• suggesting you go to another place and talk about it
• redirecting someone to do something else
• giving support to one person and guiding the other person to do something different
• giving the person who is upset some space and helping bystanders to leave.
Make Safety Plans With Your Team
Whether you are a service organization, a school, or an advocacy group supporting people with developmental disabilities, you want to be sure that everyone on your team is on the same page about how to handle potential safety problems – from natural disasters, accidents, internal conflicts, or potential violence.
For these safety plans to work in an urgent situation, it is important to:
• Develop your plan with input from staff who are in the most contact with the people you serve
• Write your plan down as clearly as possible- and practice what to do.
• Keep updating your plan as new challenges arise.
• Review and practice this plan with new people on your team so that they are also prepared.
• Provide training in how to de-escalate different kinds of conflict.
Teach everyone positive communication, personal safety, self-regulation, and help-seeking skills.
Having a common ground where family members, staff, and participants all have the same skills creates a circle of safety for everyone. Again, because we are more likely to do what we have practiced, it is important to rehearse how to use these skills in role plays that are relevant for the ages, abilities, and life circumstances of the people and families you serve. Here are some resources that can help.
Our Safetypowers self-paced online course created with and for people with disabilities has role play videos and practice guides showing how to use Safetypowers skills and strategies to prevent and solve a wide range of problems with people. This program is free of charge, thanks to funding from Ability Central. We also provide a wide range of live online trainings in how to teach and use these skills.
Safetypowers Safety Signals – simple gestures, pictures, and words to describe core emotional and personal safety skills.
Our Safetypowers Advocacy, Independence and Safety for People With Disabilities Resource Page provides information about how we tailor what we teach to work for people of all abilities as well as access to articles, posters, books, and workshops.
A ‘Calm Down Power’ Success Story
In one workshop for clients of a state rehabilitation residential facility for people with intellectual disabilities, a man I’ll call Roger suddenly got triggered because I was pretending to be a drunk driver offering people a ride.
Roger leaped up and charged across the room towering over me and yelling over and over, as if I really was drunk, about how dangerous drunk driving is and how everyone could get killed, He was extremely upset, shaking and almost crying.
I moved back a little to give him space as I interrupted loudly and calmly, with all my heart, “Roger, you are absolutely right. I was just pretending so people could practice NOT going with someone who drinks. I would NEVER drink and drive.”
He staggered back to his seat and then sat there shaking and moaning. I came to stand near him and said very gently, “Roger! Let’s use Calm Down Power!” He did just what we had practiced the day before. “Good. Put your hands together.” We did. “Take a breath.” We did, even though his breath was almost like a sob.. “Now straighten your back.” He did as best he could. “Now take a breath.” We did. “Now push your feet onto the floor.” He did. “And now another breath.” We did.
And, then I said quietly, “Great job, Roger! Thank you!” He stayed calm and engaged the rest of the workshop. The staff watching were impressed that he had remembered how to do Calm Down Power after just a few minutes of practice the day before – and that it worked!”
Put Safety First
Our ‘Put Safety FIRST’ Founding Principle is that: “Safety and wellbeing are more important than anyone’s embarrassment, inconvenience, or offense – theirs, ours, or any other person’s.”
This means we will commit to not letting uncomfortable feelings get in the way of our taking action to stop, avoid, or redirect unsafe disrespectful behavior that is likely to escalate.
As leaders, we will be most effective if we intervene in powerful, respectful ways that create connection and provide support while protecting everyone’s emotional and physical safety.
Split Your Attention to Avoid Tunnel Vision
Becoming so focused on something you are doing that you don’t see what else is happening around you is called “tunnel vision.” Tunnel vision can be caused by texting, talking with someone, getting lost in thought, or other activities.
Remember that an escalation, an accident, or another safety problem can happen in an instant. Interrupt what you are doing frequently so you can look around. Notice where each of the people you are responsible for supporting is and what they are doing.
To practice Splitting Your Attention, look down and cup your hands around your face. This is what happens when you have tunnel vision and you are not aware of what is happening around you.
Next, sit or stand tall, lift your head up, and look around. Look down again without cupping your hands so that you can see what you are doing.
Now, lift your head again to see what is happening around you. When you are leading people who might get overwhelmed with their feelings and escalate into conflict, you will be more successful if you can intervene sooner rather than later.
Passive, Aggressive, Assertive Practice
HOW you intervene matters. People will listen to you better and bother you less if you act aware, calm, respectful, and confident, no matter how you feel inside. The practice below is from our article Assertive Advocacy Communication Skills.
Make a Stop Signal with your body by putting your hands in front of your chest, palms facing outwards, with your elbows bent. Now, lean back, get a worried look on your face and say in a little voice, “Stop, okay?” This is what being passive looks and feels like.
Now, lean forward. Get a mean look on your face. Jab your finger like you are pointing at someone who is acting aggressively, and yell in an angry voice, “STOP!” Acting aggressively can FEEL more powerful and is much more likely to escalate a conflict.
Finally, sit tall, relax your shoulders, make a Stop Signal with your hands again, and say in a calm confident respectful voice, “Please stop!” Being prepared to act assertively instead of passively or aggressively will help everyone to be more successful in setting boundaries, being included, making positive connections, and getting help.
Don’t take someone’s rude or thoughtless behavior personally
Most people do things for reasons that are important to them, rather than because they want to make your life miserable. Instead of reacting, we can choose to protect our feelings.
Our triggers are thoughts, words, gestures, or other stimuli that cause our minds and bodies to explode with feelings, either positive or negative – and sometimes both. When we are exploding with big feelings, it is hard to think clearly or to make wise choices for ourselves.
Our article 12 Safetypowers Emotional Safety Skills for All Ages provides tools for protecting our feelings from hurtful or unkind words and behavior.
How to practice different ways of facing aggression
When facing someone acting aggressively, it is normal to get emotionally triggered. We might feel like freezing, getting upset or scared, or yelling at the person.
The following partner practice can help us feel the impact of our different ways of responding. No one touches each other or threatens to hit anyone in this practice. Here are the steps:
Partner A walks towards Partner B pointing, waving arms, and yelling in an angry way, “BLAH! BLAH! BLAH! Partner B turns away, shrinks down, and shuffles away saying in a whiny voice, “Please leave me alone.”
When Partner A does this same thing again, Partner B turns around and points and yells back aggressively, “BLAH! BLAH! BLAH!” Without touching, they get stuck in yelling and BLAH BLAHING at each other. (You might ask the group, “Does this sound familiar?”)
Again, Partner A approaches aggressively. This time, Partner B leaves with awareness, calm, respect, and confidence. Partner A stops.
Once last time Partner A comes towards Partner B yelling, “BLAH! BLAH! BLAH!” This time, Partner B gets calm and centered, projecting kindness, warmth, and connection towards Partner A.
Then Partner A and B switch roles. After everyone has done both roles, discuss, “When you were acting aggressively, how did each reaction from your partner make you feel? How did each way of responding feel when you were Partner B dealing with someone who was yelling, angry, and upset?
Intervention Role Play Practices
Rehearsing what we want to say and do and how we want to do it helps prepare us to be our best selves in de-escalating a conflict with or between one or more people who we are responsible for supporting.
The steps in an intervention might include:
1. Noticing and assessing the problem. For example:
• two people upset with each other
• one person having a really hard time
• someone who seems very angry with you or about something else
2. Approaching the individual or people with a caring connection, calm, and confidence, by saying something like, “Hi, how are things going?”
3. Deciding on what you think will be the best approach. For example:
• acknowledging the issue
• suggesting you go to another place and talk about it
• redirecting someone to do something else
• giving support to one person and guiding the other person to do something different
• giving the person who is upset some space and helping bystanders to leave.
Make Safety Plans With Your Team
Whether you are a service organization, a school, or an advocacy group supporting people with developmental disabilities, you want to be sure that everyone on your team is on the same page about how to handle potential safety problems – from natural disasters, accidents, internal conflicts, or potential violence.
For these safety plans to work in an urgent situation, it is important to:
• Develop your plan with input from staff who are in the most contact with the people you serve
• Write your plan down as clearly as possible- and practice what to do.
• Keep updating your plan as new challenges arise.
• Review and practice this plan with new people on your team so that they are also prepared.
• Provide training in how to de-escalate different kinds of conflict.
Teach everyone positive communication, personal safety, self-regulation, and help-seeking skills.
Having a common ground where family members, staff, and participants all have the same skills creates a circle of safety for everyone. Again, because we are more likely to do what we have practiced, it is important to rehearse how to use these skills in role plays that are relevant for the ages, abilities, and life circumstances of the people and families you serve. Here are some resources that can help.
Our Safetypowers self-paced online course created with and for people with disabilities has role play videos and practice guides showing how to use Safetypowers skills and strategies to prevent and solve a wide range of problems with people. This program is free of charge, thanks to funding from Ability Central. We also provide a wide range of live online trainings in how to teach and use these skills.
Safetypowers Safety Signals – simple gestures, pictures, and words to describe core emotional and personal safety skills.
Our Safetypowers Advocacy, Independence and Safety for People With Disabilities Resource Page provides information about how we tailor what we teach to work for people of all abilities as well as access to articles, posters, books, and workshops.
A ‘Calm Down Power’ Success Story
In one workshop for clients of a state rehabilitation residential facility for people with intellectual disabilities, a man I’ll call Roger suddenly got triggered because I was pretending to be a drunk driver offering people a ride.
Roger leaped up and charged across the room towering over me and yelling over and over, as if I really was drunk, about how dangerous drunk driving is and how everyone could get killed, He was extremely upset, shaking and almost crying.
I moved back a little to give him space as I interrupted loudly and calmly, with all my heart, “Roger, you are absolutely right. I was just pretending so people could practice NOT going with someone who drinks. I would NEVER drink and drive.”
He staggered back to his seat and then sat there shaking and moaning. I came to stand near him and said very gently, “Roger! Let’s use Calm Down Power!” He did just what we had practiced the day before. “Good. Put your hands together.” We did. “Take a breath.” We did, even though his breath was almost like a sob.. “Now straighten your back.” He did as best he could. “Now take a breath.” We did. “Now push your feet onto the floor.” He did. “And now another breath.” We did.
And, then I said quietly, “Great job, Roger! Thank you!” He stayed calm and engaged the rest of the workshop. The staff watching were impressed that he had remembered how to do Calm Down Power after just a few minutes of practice the day before – and that it worked!”
Published: April 20, 2026 | Last Updated: April 20, 2026
Irene van der Zande, Kidpower Founder and Executive Director
Kidpower Founder and Executive Irene van der Zande is a master at teaching safety through stories and practices and at inspiring others to do the same. Her child protection and personal safety expertise has been featured by USA Today, CNN, Today Moms, the LA Times, and The Wall Street Journal. Publications include: cartoon-illustrated Kidpower Safety Comics and Kidpower Teaching Books curriculum; Bullying: What Adults Need to Know and Do to Keep Kids Safe; the Relationship Safety Skills Handbook for Teens and Adults; Earliest Teachable Moment: Personal Safety for Babies, Toddlers, and Preschoolers; The Kidpower Book for Caring Adults: Personal Safety, Self-Protection, Confidence, and Advocacy for Young People, and the Amazon Best Seller Doing Right by Our Kids: Protecting Child Safety at All Levels.