Practice being happy about what we see in the mirror
A recent news story described the plastic surgery of a seven-year-old’s ears as a solution to protect her from bullying.
The health choices of this family for their daughter are a medical matter between them and her doctor that no one else is in a position to judge.
Some of the beliefs about bullying expressed in this story are very common and can lead to increased problems, such as, ”Children who look different might need to change their appearance in order to be safe from bullying. The slightest ‘abnormality’ is likely to lead to low self esteem. Kids are mean. That’s just how they are. And, adults are even worse. ”
The reality is that children -and adults – could be bullied and might feel bad about themselves for many different reasons, most of which can not be fixed by plastic surgery.
To safeguard kids from bullying, their adults need to find many different ways to build their children’s confidence and to ensure that they are in environments where bullying and teasing are addressed effectively.
Regardless of possible cosmetic interventions, children need their adults to be their advocates and to teach them skills for protecting their feelings from hurting words, setting boundaries, leaving an unsafe situation, and getting help.
Even if there is a reason to change some aspect of their appearance, all kids have the right to be safe from teasing and to believe that they can see themselves as looking and being terrific, just the way they are. At Kidpower, we teach that, in nature, it is the rocks, trees, and mountains that look the most different that people often see as being the most beautiful, rather than the ones that look the most the same. We practicing seeing how each of us has our OWN kind of beauty and reminding ourselves that, “I do NOT have to be PERFECT to be GREAT!”
We can teach kids that, even though magazines, ads, and movies give a very narrow definition of what makes someone look good, this information is not the truth. The truth is that “beauty is in the eye of the beholder” – and we can make the world a happier place if we are generous in how we behold beauty in ourselves and others. As they get older, young people can be educated about the impact of the media on our perceptions of what is beauty and what is not. For teens, films like Killing Us Softly and Tough Guise can be powerful tools for building their understanding.
We also help parents practice how to stay centered and what to say and do when thoughtless adults make cruel comments about their kids. For example, suppose an acquaintance says, “What’s wrong with your child? She looks odd!”
Instead of acting upset or saying nothing and stewing about it later, a parent can give the child and this adult a strong affirming message by saying very cheerfully and firmly, “She looks beautiful the way she is! Please don’t say things that could be hurtful. Let’s talk about something else.”
As adults, we need to take charge to safeguard all children from teasing and bullying at school, at home, and in our communities, regardless of the ways in which any child might be different. This article addresses many of the issues that can get in the way, Turning Bullying Prevention Policies Into Effective Action.
